Happy Anniversary to me – in so many ways! Unfiltered and authentically me. This morning, I woke up feeling a whirlwind of emotions after an intense dream, and it struck me that today marks the anniversary of when I learned I would be parting ways with my professional “love.”
Time seemed to fly by—I remember feeling uncertain and anxious before I finally learned about the changes. Receiving the news was a relief, especially after being so mentally and emotionally exhausted from worrying about my position. Having spent twenty-three years with the organization, the whole experience left a deep impression on me.
My clients, friends and family thought of me like a martyr – why not? I was in an organization that gave me purpose and opportunities, a platform for me to shine and be my authentic self, the means to see the world on my own or at work but most of all – it was a place I grew up to my first phase of adult life.
Today, I celebrate that day of that news. Even though it will take another two months for a complete separation, I am surprisingly free of resentment. Do not get me wrong, I went through that relationship separation phase. I was numb, in denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. But if there is something that I am grateful for this transformation it is TIME.
Time – with my family, myself and exploring the things I wanted to do yet I was unable to do before.
Time with my daughter – the joy of seeing her grow and see the world with pureness and curiosity is priceless. To be emotionally, mentally, and physically present all the time gave me this renewed purpose. Including the extended shopping and food trips. (to my husband’s chagrin)
Growing with my husband – it is true that you only get to know your spouse when you are married and even more when we got stuck in a two-room apartment in New York and shared a workstation for a while until we bought our home. But knowing beyond the challenging environment allowed us to grow whether we basked in joy, cut in arguments, and envisioned the future – there is growth in knowing your other half.
Me – I thought I knew myself until I lost my job. Yes, typing that “lost my job” is like seeing those millions of those who also lost theirs in this pandemonium of transformation in the corporate world. You can phrase it whatever way, re-org, retire, retrench, offered – I still lost my job. A job that was my LIFE at a point until it became a cause of anxiety and stress because of all the uncertainties surrounding all the changes.
Finding MYSELF again – evaluating all the grounds. Took a break – living the “NJ” life of being wife, mum, and citizen of this country. I tried the things that I wanted to do – from writing, building my passion, cooking, Pilates, reading, business, mentoring, consulting, – name it some I was doing in the past but never got the chance to really enjoy the feeling. And honestly, I started and midway I was not happy, or probably because I was still in those stages of grief separation.
Found ME – I found myself itching to go back to the corporate world and that is when I knew I was ready to face that life again. Timely, a former friend and colleague invited me to join an organization related to my previous work, which also allowed me to be open to possibilities. That familiar pull towards corporate life resurfaced, though I remain unsure about giving up the freedom I am right now, but it is giving me another meaning to balance my life. My authentic self will say, I must acknowledge that prayer and meditation—alongside support from family and close friends—have been my greatest sources of strength.
Yes, I found myself in HIS embrace again – asking for guidance like a 22-year-old fresh graduate, so eager to explore the world and fly. But the only difference this time is I am a 46 year old, a middle-age woman about to embark her next phase of personal and professional journey holding many hats but shares the same eagerness to explore but a much more secured and curated pace of what HE has planned out for me.
Today, I am celebrating to be grateful. A chance to fulfill something even with little hurdles on the side. I know He will hold me in pedestal of His hand knowing he will bring to my wishes and desires in the way He has planned it out for me. I am grateful for family and friends that have stood by me since that day, allowing me to find myself again, and explore the possibilities and beyond. Joyeux Anniverssaire.
Note: My affair of the French language continues even if I never finished my classes and remains an amazement to my French friends who up to this day still refuses to give up on my learning the language.
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